FLASHBACK to 2020! I stumbled upon this essay which I did not have the energy during the height of COVID to pursue. You remember – those early days in the pandemic where we were all in the upside-down. It’s better now, but I’d still like it NOT to be our new normal. Here’s a glimpse into that time, and likely what many of us were feeling:
I use humor to deal with stress. It’s a very tricky thing for a writer to do during the world’s current state of affairs – which is the plethora of viruses and bacteria out to kill us. Largest among those in this moment is COVID-19.
It’s not that I don’t take all of this very seriously. It’s because I do. If I don’t try to lighten the mood here and there, I’ll disappear down the rabbit hole. So, please know I am completely sensitive to this, and that I am just taking snapshots to diffuse the bigger picture right now.
With that disclaimer, I’ll begin with the first chapter in what will unfold into the COVID Chronicles.
Foraging for Food
I have a suppressed immune system. Hence, I’m one of the “high risk” individuals when it comes to COVID-19. This is doing nothing for my paranoia. I have been in an enclosed building to purchase any item a total of three times since March 11. Afterward I’m convinced that any slightly sore throat, sneeze, or bout of fatigue means I’ve contracted the virus and my family needs to evacuate. It doesn’t matter that I always have fatigue and weird symptoms. This time, it could be “it.”
So…how to keep the cupboards stocked and the family fed? My husband braves the stores from time to time, showering immediately when returning home and tossing the suspect clothing into the washing machine. Otherwise, we have developed an interesting system of ordering everything we can get online or through local delivery.
I ordered what I thought was a roast chicken, and ended up with 20 roasting pans, sans anything edible in them. Another challenge is remembering to check the sizes of everything, as the pictures lie. I also ordered what I believed to be 8 ounces of a fancy olive oil, but ended up with about a quart of a very nasty tasting discounted variety. As a writer and web curator, I find this infuriating for customer satisfaction. Then of course, there’s the takeout. Do you wipe down the takeout containers? Dump the food on a plate and throw the container away? Wipe off every grocery item – and then the counter they sat on? Put any non-perishables in the garage for 48 hours? I kid you not – after one of those three times I braved going into a store, when I came back into my house I was so emotionally spent I couldn’t deal with the routine of washing my hands, removing my shoes and wiping them down, then stripping by the washer to deposit my clothes. Instead, I grabbed a can of Lysol and literally sprayed myself down. I’m not sure if I’ve lost my mind or I’m a hero for trying to keep my family safe.
A day in the Life
I’m having a hard time remembering what day it is. The new lack of schedule does not have me taking my kids to school, grocery shopping, meeting anyone for work or play, or any of my usual tasks. The things I do attempt are not on schedule, in the usual manner, and not in any order.
Sleep?
Why can’t I sleep anymore? The sun still rises and sets, but my circadian rhythm seems non-existent. As a write this, I recognize and must accept the fact that bingeing TV has become my late-night go to, and we all know how healthy that is for our sleep cycle. However, I never had the time to watch anything before. God help me, I can’t stop!
Screens
That brings me to the topic of screen time, not just for me, but the entire family. Perhaps I’m a gigantic failure, but I’d like to know how you try to get teenagers to cut down on screen time even without COVID in play. I feel I don’t have a leg to stand on based upon my habits. Now I feel more guilty, because I’m setting such a bad example.
Masking
Maybe I’ve lost oxygen to my brain from wearing all those different masks – both homemade and purchased. My neighbor went into a spree of mask-making, offering up cloth masks in cheerful prints. I do not feel cheerful, and my sons will not wear prints. I’m conflicted with all the different information coming out daily about what masks are best. I have spent a ridiculous amount of money on masks! And zit cream, as they make me break out.
Walking the Dog
I look like a uni-bomber when I take my dog out for a walk, wearing one of my many assorted masks, sunglasses, and a hat. It takes me forever to get ready, while the poor dog is trying to control his bladder as it’s already way later than usual for his excursion due to my non-schedule. And okay, it’s terrifying to take the dog for a walk these days because the news is telling me breathing the very air is risky. I asked my son to do it and he accused me of sending him out to his death.
The Worst
On that note, I have to talk about what has been my worst pandemic moment. My dad passed in November. We held his service outdoors, but many people did not attend due to fear of breathing the air and being near other humans. If we can’t love and support each other during life’s most challenging moments, where does that leave us? That is what makes life worth living.
What the Future Holds
Clearly there’s much more to discuss, these notes from my fevered mind are just the tip of the iceberg. Despite promises to the contrary and the government scrambling to offer reassurance, I suspect this nasty virus, along with others that are awakening, are here to stay.
What will be revealed as time marches on? Certainly we can’t hide in our houses and not see our friends, family, and co-workers indefinitely. What will my kids, and yours, have to look forward to in their future? How will this pause in their development affect them, and how long can it go on? That sends my heart into an icy freeze.
I hope the next time I write about this, there is more light and less fear. I hope our families have jobs and school to go to.
Normally I would tell myself, and you, to breathe through the anxiety of the unknown, but apparently that could kill you. Maybe you can attempt it if you are six feet away from someone and wearing a mask. At least wave and tell them you are giving them a smile they can’t see. We need some sort of connection. Stay safe out there.
